Grieving a Divorce

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3 Things You Shouldn't Do When Grieving a Divorce
Allison James  

Divorce isn’t easy.

When a couple breaks up almost everything familiar to them changes.

Every couple has rituals whether they have been married for 3 months or 30 years.

Say your husband used to call on his way home from work every day at 4 pm sharp. Now that you are divorced you no longer get that call. You’ll have to get used to different rituals like drinking your morning coffee alone or preparing dinner for one less person.

Grief is the conflicting feelings caused by the change of, or the end in, a familiar pattern of behavior.

By definition, divorce is a grieving experience.

 Lost Hopes Dreams & Expectations
You probably had hopes, dream and expectations about your marriage.  The most obvious is your marriage would last forever.  You might have expected to raise children together, to go on a camping trip after your debt was paid off, or to always have someone by your side. Then all of a sudden those hopes and dreams are gone. 

 There are lost hopes, dreams and expectations even in the worst marriage.

Don’t Intellectualize Your Divorce
Divorce hurts. It doesn’t matter if you initiated it or had no idea it was coming.

Some people use the reason for their divorce as justification as to why they shouldn’t feel sad about it.

The reasons for divorce have little to do with the grief caused by the divorce. You would grieve no matter what the cause.

Don’t pretend you are okay if you aren’t.
Our society taught us that the way to deal with grief is to be strong for others. What that means is you should hide your feelings.

Being strong is being honest about your feelings. Cry if that’s normal for you. Be honest when someone asks how you’re doing.

Don’t replace the loss.
Have you heard the phrase, “there are plenty of fish in the sea”?  Bet you didn’t know your spouse was a fish, so you could easily get another one!

Do you think it’s possible to replace the love you shared with someone else? It’s not.  Relationships are unique, so you can never replace someone you love. It’s not like replacing a car battery or old tennis shoes.  If you try to find someone new before getting complete with your divorce grief it could end up hurting you in the long run.

Divorce is the death of a relationship.  It’s causes grief and could negatively impact relationships for the rest of your life. You owe it to yourself to heal your broken heart.